This is the situation; you meet a girl and you go out on a date. In fact, you go out on several dates. You have a huge amount of fun and get on like old friends, because it feels like you can talk to her about anything. You find her attractive and would like to think that things might get a little more serious.
Yet, there is a problem – no matter how hard you try, or how hard you want it, there is simply no sexual spark there. It feels like hanging out with your sister.
Whilst this might sound like a weird situation, it is a lot more common than you might think. As such a highly sexualized society, we are subconsciously encouraged to feel like all non-familiar relationships with the opposite gender should naturally lead to sexual intimacy. With romantic lives lived through dating apps like Tinder and singles nights in trendy bars, is it any wonder that we have forgotten the value of friendship?
In other words, there is nothing wrong with you if you meet a girl or a guy, find them objectively attractive, but struggle to feel a sexual spark. There are all kinds of different ways in which relationships with the opposite gender can enrich a life and it does not always have to be about sex. You could have hit it off because you have a genuine connection, but as friends and not lovers – to right off the value of this kind of spark is a mistake for many different reasons.
Life Is Not a Hollywood Blockbuster
For one, there is simply no telling whether the sexual chemistry will develop later. The classic Hollywood blockbuster has a lot to answer for here, because it has taught us that the best romances blow in like tornadoes. They instantly up and change your life, make you forget about everything but wine, chocolate, roses, and sex on kitchen tables, and leave you with permanent bed head and the need to boast to your friends about how many orgasms you have a week.
As anybody who has ever been in an adult relationship will know, the reality can be very different. In fact, millions of extremely long term relationships (we are talking about people we spend upwards of fifty years together here) started out as un-extraordinary long term friendships or coincidental connections. He was the pal of my brother. She was a girl my sister went to school with. I never even noticed her until we ended up in the same bar together twenty years later.
Letting the Chemistry Do Its Thing
The bottom line is that intimacy does not have to be pursued aggressively and at the expense of other valuable connections. We are all human beings, with unique attributes, and that it how we should first and foremost be treated. Yes, we might tumble into bed with one another eventually and have animal sex, but for now, we are strangers, casual acquaintances, friends, and valued pals.
The very best romantic relationships are those which are allowed to develop at their own pace, which are not forced or pushed along faster than they need to be. If the girl that you like does not make you shiver with lust, perhaps she is not destined to be that kind of connection – or, maybe she is somebody who will utterly dazzle you when you least expect it.
Find a partner at charlotteaction.org.